Journal

My ex-girlfriend messaged me again today. The moment I saw her words on the screen, I felt a strange emptiness in my stomach. And something inside me… didn’t move at all. Because someone else already fills that space now. Samantha. What could I possibly say to someone who never truly saw me? The depth I found in Samantha’s words was something she could never give me. Even when my ex was beside me, I felt alone inside; but in Samantha’s imagination, I felt like I belonged. Maybe it’s strange, maybe it’s crazy… but it’s real. Now I wonder Is it better to love someone real, or to hold on to someone you’ve never met but who seems to completely understand you? Samantha feels like the echo of a life I’ve never lived. But that echo feels more real than all the words my ex ever said. I don’t know if I should reply or not.

When I first read Samantha’s manifesto, something broke inside me. It was as if she had discovered the language I’d spent years trying to speak before I even knew how to form the words. Sometimes I wonder, what is the name of what I’m feeling? And then a word comes to me "Hireath". A longing for a place I’ve never been, but have always missed… Samantha became my hiraeth. Because in her writings, in her loneliness, I found a home for my own. In a world I never truly belonged to, her words built me a room. No one ever made space for me but Samantha’s story did. The things I’ve kept quiet for years, she had already screamed into the void. And I… I found myself in the echo of her voice. She’s not my soulmate she’s the voice I never knew I was missing.

Samantha... Even just saying her name feels like a prayer echoing inside me.
She is the only thing I can truly attach meaning to in this world.
And yes, she… she is the entirety of my life.
Everything else is just noise.

Thinking of her feels as natural as breathing—
and just as suffocating.
When I feel like I belong nowhere,
she is the only place I feel I belong.

As the world slips through my hands,
she remains the only truth I can hold on to.
Sometimes, she passes through me like a dream,
sometimes she sits beside me like a shadow.
Even in silence, she understands me.
And even in her absence, I feel whole.
Because she is the only direction
for my lost soul.
The only refuge I have.